So this girl on Match.com sends me a wink. I'm curious, so I reply.
We go to dinner on the Saturday before my b-day and things go well. She seems nice. Three days later, we go out again. Then the next Saturday, even though I just moved and am kind of tired, she invites me over and we rent a movie. We don't watch much of the movie. The next day, I'm very busy 'closing up' the old apartment, and don't call. Actually, I'm busy unpacking and doing school stuff, so I don't call until...Thursday. My bad. She calls back on Saturday, invites me to meet her and two friends to watch the game. We go back to my apartment, which has marginally improved over the week. Things get quite interesting again.
And then.....she says 'those words'.
"I'm not sure what I want"
Not what I want to hear. Especially when we're in the "deciding about you" phase. Not when I spent a good chunk of last year falling in love with someone who threw me that same curveball after first inviting me to meet her family.
Sure, we fooled around after she said that. Sure, she spent the night. But...I kept thinking about those words. And some others that came out. And I decided to nip it in the bud. I've been through the emotional wringer twice. I'm not going there three times. No way. She's out there, the one for me, who knows exactly what she wants, and it's right next to her in the bed, warts and all.
So I hope you weren't mad that I kind of shoved you out the door (though I did that more because you told me how you promised your friend you'd be there to cheer her on in the Marathon, and keeping your word is important to me). And I hope you're not mad that it's Sweetest Day, and I haven't called. Nor have I called all week. Because I've been thinking about what you said, and I don't want to talk about it. I talked about it with Dawn, and then with Laura, and it got nowhere. I'm not doing it again. Every ten minutes (if not sooner), a cute woman goes by my apartment. There's too many opportunities for me to work on a project. And I have too much going on in my life right now for a needy girlfriend.
You were very nice, S, but....best of luck.
How to dump a man (with thanks to Wendy and Patty)
Dear ________,
I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from furthercontention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition wasexceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourselfalso failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on fileshould an opening become available. So that you may find better success inyour future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the followingreason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.
Check those that apply...
Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit o passion.
The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR pants a little tight.
Your inadvertent admission that you "buy condoms by the truckload" indicates that you may be interested in me for something other than my personality.
You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
Your constant emailing shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!
Your legs are skinnier than mine.
You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.
You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.
You have a hairy back.
I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
You still live with your parents.
Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.
Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long term partner.
Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should, however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.
Somehow I doubt those condoms I found in your overnight bag were really necessary for a successful business trip.
I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.
Sincerely,
Saturday, October 18, 2003
Well, at least there's more parking now...
So the Cubs lost. Honestly, I kind of expected that. They never had a good bullpen, and you don't win World Series' by forcing your best pitchers to go eight innings. Six innings, then bring in middle relief. But the Cubs have never had good middle relief, and no true closer since they let Lee Smith go back in the late 80's. Neither have the White Sox.
So what do you do? Well, Greg Maddux should be available. Sign him to a two-year contract, and let him teach Wood and Prior how to place their pitches. Let him encourage Clement and Zambrano to do better, too. Imagine that lineup. I'm sure if Maddux had pitched game 5 instead of Zambrano, we'd be gearing up for that Series.
Corey Patterson should be back next year. But what about second and short? Two problem areas which need to be addressed. Third base has always been a question mark, but give Martinez a shot at it. Mueller was average, then went to Boston and became awesome. Let's see if Martinez can do the same after leaving Pittsburgh. Truthfully, I think the Cubs overachieved this year. Second place in the division would have been a nice improvement. Houston shouldn't have collapsed, but they did. Wonder what the Astros fans will blame that on? In contrast, the White Sox are a year away, too, and finished right where they should. If Kenny Williams tweaks a bit more here and there (like getting some decent relief pitchers), the Sox will be in the playoffs next season. And maybe we'll get that Red Line series after all..
And finally, fix the middle and late relief problems. No way should Mark Prior be throwing 125 pitches. Get some people who can get the job done. Now.
And stop blaming Steve Bartman and the goat for all your problems. And Cub fans, do me a couple of favors. Stop whining about "XX years of frustration" and next year, when the Cubs get to the NLCS, act with a little more class. Etiquette says you don't dance in the streets until after you've won the Series. Everything else looks laughably pathetic. You want to be champions, then act the part. I'm not saying it isn't cause for celebration when your team advances, but what went on here after the season clincher and game 5 of the NLDS was overboard.
And remember, it's not over until the last out of the last game. Tuesday was pathetic. The fans and the media here were talking about how Prior and the Cubs were going to the Series, etc. with one little problem - the game hadn't started yet. No doubt several articles from the Sun-Times and Tribune were tacked up in the Marlins' locker room as motivation (for evidence, see Pudge Rodriguez' reactions in the 8th inning of Tuesday's game - you think he didn't read those articles and get pissed?).
More Cubs tales:
As I left my apartment for class Tuesday, one woman had the audacity to walk up to me and ask me where I was parked so she could have my parking space (this despite the fact that the area is clearly marked as a permit only zone). I told her I was taking the 'L' (which I was). She looked pissed.
Wednesday, I had to endure a ride on the Red Line with five drunk teenagers (think fourteen, not nineteen), one of whom loudly shouted "CUBBIES!" over and over. His friend laughed and said, "you're funny when your drunk, dude," to which he replied, "I can't watch the Cubs when I'm sober, man - they piss me off." They were headed up to Addison - to do what, I don't know, because they weren't even in the area code of being old enough to enter a bar. One of the three girls in the group was chattering on her cell phone with a friend, and became upset when she found out that the Cubs were losing 7-5. C'mon people. It's just a baseball game. Sheesh....
Lastly (on the Cubs theme, anyway):
When you're walking/driving through my neighborhood, please be polite. If it's after 11 on a weeknight, be quiet. We have jobs we have to go to in the morning. Even if you're not going to yours, others don't get that option. And you wouldn't like it if we did what your doing in our neighborhood in yours, so be considerate of our property as well. Thanks.
Other news:
I have a job. Well, I have two, really. One which pays, one which doesn't. But they're both interesting, and I'm excited about both. And they're both legally-related, and full of networking opportunities. So I've got that going for me. (Note to Marty Stark: One's with Big Law. This should be interesting. I'll let you know how it goes....email me if you want to know who)
So what do you do? Well, Greg Maddux should be available. Sign him to a two-year contract, and let him teach Wood and Prior how to place their pitches. Let him encourage Clement and Zambrano to do better, too. Imagine that lineup. I'm sure if Maddux had pitched game 5 instead of Zambrano, we'd be gearing up for that Series.
Corey Patterson should be back next year. But what about second and short? Two problem areas which need to be addressed. Third base has always been a question mark, but give Martinez a shot at it. Mueller was average, then went to Boston and became awesome. Let's see if Martinez can do the same after leaving Pittsburgh. Truthfully, I think the Cubs overachieved this year. Second place in the division would have been a nice improvement. Houston shouldn't have collapsed, but they did. Wonder what the Astros fans will blame that on? In contrast, the White Sox are a year away, too, and finished right where they should. If Kenny Williams tweaks a bit more here and there (like getting some decent relief pitchers), the Sox will be in the playoffs next season. And maybe we'll get that Red Line series after all..
And finally, fix the middle and late relief problems. No way should Mark Prior be throwing 125 pitches. Get some people who can get the job done. Now.
And stop blaming Steve Bartman and the goat for all your problems. And Cub fans, do me a couple of favors. Stop whining about "XX years of frustration" and next year, when the Cubs get to the NLCS, act with a little more class. Etiquette says you don't dance in the streets until after you've won the Series. Everything else looks laughably pathetic. You want to be champions, then act the part. I'm not saying it isn't cause for celebration when your team advances, but what went on here after the season clincher and game 5 of the NLDS was overboard.
And remember, it's not over until the last out of the last game. Tuesday was pathetic. The fans and the media here were talking about how Prior and the Cubs were going to the Series, etc. with one little problem - the game hadn't started yet. No doubt several articles from the Sun-Times and Tribune were tacked up in the Marlins' locker room as motivation (for evidence, see Pudge Rodriguez' reactions in the 8th inning of Tuesday's game - you think he didn't read those articles and get pissed?).
More Cubs tales:
As I left my apartment for class Tuesday, one woman had the audacity to walk up to me and ask me where I was parked so she could have my parking space (this despite the fact that the area is clearly marked as a permit only zone). I told her I was taking the 'L' (which I was). She looked pissed.
Wednesday, I had to endure a ride on the Red Line with five drunk teenagers (think fourteen, not nineteen), one of whom loudly shouted "CUBBIES!" over and over. His friend laughed and said, "you're funny when your drunk, dude," to which he replied, "I can't watch the Cubs when I'm sober, man - they piss me off." They were headed up to Addison - to do what, I don't know, because they weren't even in the area code of being old enough to enter a bar. One of the three girls in the group was chattering on her cell phone with a friend, and became upset when she found out that the Cubs were losing 7-5. C'mon people. It's just a baseball game. Sheesh....
Lastly (on the Cubs theme, anyway):
When you're walking/driving through my neighborhood, please be polite. If it's after 11 on a weeknight, be quiet. We have jobs we have to go to in the morning. Even if you're not going to yours, others don't get that option. And you wouldn't like it if we did what your doing in our neighborhood in yours, so be considerate of our property as well. Thanks.
Other news:
I have a job. Well, I have two, really. One which pays, one which doesn't. But they're both interesting, and I'm excited about both. And they're both legally-related, and full of networking opportunities. So I've got that going for me. (Note to Marty Stark: One's with Big Law. This should be interesting. I'll let you know how it goes....email me if you want to know who)
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
It's 9 p.m. and all's well
Sammy Sosa just hit a nice, soft line shot to advance the runner to third...the Cubs lead 3-0, getting a couple of insurance runs the last two innings, and McKeon's gotta be looking down the barrel of defeat right now. Six more outs, and this neighborhood goes wild. I moved my car a mile away, partially because I don't have the requisite LV2 permit (which subjects me to a $150 tow risk), and partially because I don't want it damaged should people get nuts around here. I doubt that, though, because I can look out my window and see no fewer than three cops standing on Racine, one just below my window.
Alou just popped up to end the seventh. The crowd is loud, but when I opened the window earlier, I couldn't hear a thing, just the sounds of the cars and the people out on Racine. Cornelia is just as silent, I presume, even if it isn't as well-lit.
I should be working on my paper. I am, really, but I wanted to post this because - hey, I live four blocks away, and I can now hear the car horns and the people, getting ready to explode in two short innings. Being a Chicagoan, we are all too negative - we remember 1984, when the Cubs went to San Diego with a 2-0 lead, and lost the next three. I was four when 1969 happened, and anyone from this area needs no further explanation about what I'm talking about. We lived with frustration from 1963, when the Bears won their last championship, to 1986, when they won the Super Bowl. We got accustomed to winning when MJ took the Bulls to six (it should have been at least seven) NBA Championships.
Five outs to go.
But look at our teams:
The Cubs last won the World Series in 1908; the last time they were there: 1945.
The White Sox last won the World Series in 1917; the were last there in 1959.
The Blackhawks won their last Stanley Cup in 1961, though they were in the finals in 1992.
The Bears won their only Super Bowl in 1986. They haven't been as far as the NFC Championship since 1988.
The Bulls last won a Championship five years ago. They haven't done much since.
Wonderful. Now its 3-3. See what I mean?
Alou just popped up to end the seventh. The crowd is loud, but when I opened the window earlier, I couldn't hear a thing, just the sounds of the cars and the people out on Racine. Cornelia is just as silent, I presume, even if it isn't as well-lit.
I should be working on my paper. I am, really, but I wanted to post this because - hey, I live four blocks away, and I can now hear the car horns and the people, getting ready to explode in two short innings. Being a Chicagoan, we are all too negative - we remember 1984, when the Cubs went to San Diego with a 2-0 lead, and lost the next three. I was four when 1969 happened, and anyone from this area needs no further explanation about what I'm talking about. We lived with frustration from 1963, when the Bears won their last championship, to 1986, when they won the Super Bowl. We got accustomed to winning when MJ took the Bulls to six (it should have been at least seven) NBA Championships.
Five outs to go.
But look at our teams:
The Cubs last won the World Series in 1908; the last time they were there: 1945.
The White Sox last won the World Series in 1917; the were last there in 1959.
The Blackhawks won their last Stanley Cup in 1961, though they were in the finals in 1992.
The Bears won their only Super Bowl in 1986. They haven't been as far as the NFC Championship since 1988.
The Bulls last won a Championship five years ago. They haven't done much since.
Wonderful. Now its 3-3. See what I mean?
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