APPLICATION FOR POTENTIAL GIRLFRIEND

Please answer the following questions. Feel free to embellish where needed. If you need to look up embellish, hit the little X in the upper right hand corner of your screen.

Background info:

Name:
City:
Age:

Family:

Brothers: ___
Sisters: ___

Children:

Yours: ___
Other: ______

Undergraduate alma mater: _______________
Grad School (if applicable): _______________
Law School (if applicable): _______________
Trade/Vocational School: _______________

Personal (Circle appropriate answer):

Are you sane?

Yes

See that little X in the upper right hand corner? Try that. Now.

Describe your last relationship:

I dumped him because:

I just wasn't in love with him (the "you're a nice guy, but" option)
I wasn't ready for a relationship (the "it's not you, it's me" option)
I decided to stick to one relationship.
Hoping to finally have a relationship.

He dumped me because:

Because he found someone younger
Because he found someone with bigger boobs
Because I gained ten pounds (uh, ten times ten pounds)
Because he's an idiot, and didn't know how good he had it
Because he found out he was gay

Other:

I caught that !^$&%*! loser with my best friend
Hoping he'll take me back.
One night stands are nice, but so last week

My self-confidence can be described as

High: I'm not afraid to ask a guy out
Moderate: I don't normally ask guys out, but I'm not shy.
Average: I wait for guys to make the first move.
Low: please date me. Please.

Quick, which is larger ?

Your IQ
Your chest measurements.

On a first date, if I like the guy, I'll

Kiss him
Sleep with him
Hug him
Shake his hand

You can tell I like you when I:

Smile at you
Tell you so
Give it up pal, you have no chance!

What are you looking for?

Someone who'll respect me for who I am
A hot guy with great abs and...you know
The guy on the cover of this month's Men's Health
Brad Pitt (please indicate what you'd do about the "Jennifer problem")
Someone to pay for everything I want
A place-filler until something better comes along

When you're in a relationship, you:

Communicate. Nothing's better than when it's what you both want
Dominate. It's my way or the highway, pal
Subordinate. I need you to tell me what I should be doing

Sex is:

Best enjoyed by two
Ewww!
A necessary evil
A weapon
I don't know what you?re talking about here.

Speaking of sex, my favorite position is:

Any. Sex is something fun, as long as it's not too kinky.
Lying there reading a book, wondering if he?s done yet.
I still don't know what you're talking about here.
On top (cowgirl)
Ewww!

I'd describe myself as:

Romantic : I like flowers and calls "just because"
Practical: do something nice, but don't blow the 401(k)
Needy
Greedy
Uhh?..

ESSAY:
You should pick me out of the millions of qualified applicants because (points for originality, humor, grammar, punctuation and spelling. All cites must conform to Bluebook rules.):Please add any details about yourself that you feel were not adequately covered by these questions.

Please return to this email address, and attach a photo of yourself.

APPLICATIONS WITHOUT PHOTOS WILL NOT BE ACCEPTED!